Birthday Wishes

Well, It's my birthday in two days. For those of you who don't see the notice on Facebook telling you that same thing, that is because I chose to hide my birthday date. It's strange, since I was about 15-16 I never really liked my birthday, it was an excuse to have a party, and a bunch of pop and chips and movies and whatnot, but then I started to realize that I could go and do that stuff whenever I want, so long as I had money.

Then I began to realize that It was difficult for me to accept special attention and extra care on my birthday. I don't know the why, I can not pin point the reason or one event, but here are some suspicions. I suspect that I did not feel worthy of the attention. That I am not special enough to warrant people going out of their way to give me things or do nice things for me. It is so much easier for me to honor other people than it is to have them honor me. How much easier? SO much easier!

Now, as I look back on some of the birthdays that I've had, this makes some sense. There have been a few times when I can recall that as a kid some people did not want to come to my birthday party or something like that, and to a kid I think that can really hurt; I began to believe that i was not worth honoring.

To all those who've tried in the past to wish me a happy birthday, I am sorry for not really receiving it. And thank you, a little late, but there it is. This year I am trying to get myself excited about my birthday, and it's not very easy. I've asked my friends here to help me, but we are terribly busy. I'm almost afraid that I won't be able to accept them honoring me.

I do believe that this ability or willingness to accept honor is something that God is working on in me, and asking me to step out in. Funny story time...
On two separate occasions I have been asked when my birthday was on my birthday. One time I was sitting in math class and we were talking about birthdays and another friend who'd had his B-day the previous week and then my friend turns to me and asks, "When's Your birthday?"
So in truth I told them "Today."
Fast forward about two or three years later, I'm at youth group as a youth leader and we're about to play this game, and my youth pastor, not mentioning his name declares that whoever s birthday is closest to that day gets to go first. A few youth put up their hands saying "That's me, my birthdays in ten days"
But then there is me saying, "Sorry dude, I'm going first, no doubt about it."
So my youth pastor asks me "When's your birthday?"
"Today" I replied.
He didn't believe me completely, and to convince everyone I finally had to pull out my driver's license. That last part about the license might not be true but it sounds cool eh?

I don't know how to take it this year. but I am trying to walk with arms open in readiness for God's blessings rather than with closed arms thinking that I'm not worthy of His blessing, because it's not up to me to decide if I am worthy of being blessed by the almighty creator of the universe or not.

So I hope the blessings are big, cause if they're not, they might as well go home...

Matt Clarke
Go Big or Go Home!